drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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