Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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