A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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