Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize