She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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