Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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