my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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