Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
