woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
