Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
