Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
