It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
