So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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