is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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