Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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