allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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