CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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