I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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