Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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