I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
