You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Mom said you looked used
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
