I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize