I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
barbara walters just said penis...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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