I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
