i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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