How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
