He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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