I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
