I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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