sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
