I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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