she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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