take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
