My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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