Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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