I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He passed out mid-signature
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize