I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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