He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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