She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
