who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize