All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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