i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
