We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
