giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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