Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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