I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
