You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
