My room smells like vodka and shame
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
