next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
