i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
