you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
