Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
