at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
