i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it because I queefed?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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