How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
