at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
