Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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