I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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