her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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