It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
