So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You need Xanax blowdarts
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
