When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
