If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize