Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
