Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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